


Pitch Black Pale Blue

by the_other_odd_one



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Curtis doesnt have a tag yet and it won't let me make one guess ill die, F/F, F/M, I promise this is not a "How Voltron Should have ended" kind of fic, I wrote this at 3am in a blind rage, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, also everyone is probably out of character, lance is dying and it's self-inflicting, some serious langst, this is just a coping to season 8
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_other_odd_one/pseuds/the_other_odd_one
Summary: Post Season 8 shit





	1. Stained Glass Variation of the Truth

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS
> 
> this could have some y'know triggering content so I advise against reading if you're easily triggered by subjects mentioned

Keith got the call less than an hour ago. It’d made his blood run cold and his body freeze, the communication device falling from his ear. Krolia had lifted her brow at his actions, watching her son jolt nervously and pick up the device again, desperately holding it to his ear this time.

“Y-yes I’m here. When was this?” Keith said. Krolia began to tap her leg impatiently. What was going on? Was there a fluke in the system? Was there a fight? Krolia squinted her eyes at her son who suddenly began to gather his things, frantically talking into the device. The last she heard was ‘I’m on my way.’ and then he set everything on the table Krolia sat at.

“I have to go.” He murmured. Krolia shook her head.

“Keith, this is a diplomacy meeting, it involves the Blade as much as it involves us. This isn’t something you can just brush asid-”

“It’s Lance.” Keith said flatly, stopping his packing and looking up at his mother. His lilac eyes bore into her own. She slowly frowned.

“What’s wrong? Keith, there are people on Earth who care about him, they are a lot closer distance-wise to him then we are and-”

“This isn’t a discussion. I have to go see him, he’s… something bad happened.” Keith was now shaking. Krolia’s eyes widened. She knew how much the former blue paladin had meant to him. They were close friends. Keith had endured the same hardships he had, they fought in battle side by side. They were bonded with teamwork and fashioned to grow by each other's side. Yet times have changed, Keith had agreed to work beyond, to help rebuild the galaxy. Krolia knew, however, it was also to get away from Earth, to get away from Altea… to get away from Voltron. 

Keith zipped up his bag, and also slipped his Blade of Marmora hood over his head. He cast one last look over his shoulder at his mother, his eyes conveying worry. She smiled and stood from where she sat in his quarters, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

“Help your friend.” She whispered, holding out his blade. Keith grabbed it and set it in its place by his side, quickly striding for the door.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Take care of them. Tell me how the meeting goes.” He said and she nodded. She watched the door open and then close behind him. It’s been a while since she’s seen him so distraught. Something really bad must have happened. Last time she saw him like that was after they got back from the fight with Honerva. When they came back one paladin short. Krolia stood up from the table, letting out a shaky sigh. She just hoped her son was safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro slammed his foot on the gas. ‘Damn it, not again.’ he thought as he drove down the street. Curtis decided to stay at home after seeing Shiro so frantic in leaving. He got a call from Lance’s family. He was getting worse. Lance was often the center of everyone’s thoughts lately. Everyone saw how much he’d changed since… Shiro bit his lip and felt his eyes tear up. Ah, it still got to him when he thought about it. He called Keith and told him a few hours ago. It was about time he knew. He’s been keeping Keith in the dark about what’s been going on. He knew upon the slightest mishap, Keith would turn his ass right around and head straight for Earth. He turned down being Galra leader for that. He also turned it down because he didn’t like being a leader. Shiro chuckled at the thought, remembering the first time he’d told Keith to be the leader of Voltron. The boy brushed it off. Gosh, he was so stubborn back in those days. 

The device in the seat beside him beeped momentarily and he sighed. Shiro is the only one Keith had handed a communication device to. Given that Hunk wasn’t too far away with his cooking empire and Pidge gladly explained she could communicate without one if it really came down to it. Lance however… Shiro couldn’t remember the last time Keith had seen Lance… ah, the banquet. That was… about a year ago though… Shiro heard the device beep again. Keith was about to reach the planet. That was fast. Earth was relatively calm… more and more advancements were being made everyday. It was growing. Shiro knew he was close, given that the fields beside him turned from yellow to a pinkish color. Juniberries. He saw the large hospital ahead and he gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. 

When he parked and bounded up the steps, he wasn’t surprised to see Hunk was up at the reception desk, worryingly talking to the lady there. Shiro stood beside him and the lady blinked at him before smiling.

“I presume you’re here for Mr. McClain as well?” She asked. Shiro nodded and Hunk looked over his shoulder at the older man. A wide smile erupted from his face and he engulfed Shiro in a surprise hug.

“Man! It’s been a while since I’ve seen yah! How’s the husband?!” Hunk asked excitingly, pausing his hug. Shiro smiled and pat his back.

“We’re doing great. One more month until we’ve got our little boy.”

“Oh yeah I heard about that! You two are gonna be foster parents really soon.” Hunk chuckled. Shiro nodded. Silence fell between them and Hunk grimaced.

“I hate it that we had to meet here of all places.” He murmured. Shiro gave him a half smile.

“Yeah… have you-”

“Gentlemen, this way.” A lady with long red hair was standing beside them, wearing a long white doctor’s garment, clipboard in her hands.

Shiro and Hunk quickly followed her as she walked to the elevators. This was a grade A hospital. It’s usually meant for aliens, or species from other planets, but there are certain accommodations for humans in great need for treatment. When they got to the floor, Pidge was standing in the hall, pacing in front of one of the doors. Hunk smiled wide and waved, catching her attention and her face lit up in excitement. The doctor walked them to the door that Pidge was at and then turned and faced them.

“He is asleep at the moment, so I advise against you waking him. I also wish to not upset anyone, but I would suggest that big groups of visitation are not a good idea. That being said, after he was brought here, Lance’s family arrived and it led to inhibition along with a sense of panic. You guys know the drill.” She finished, and with that she strode down the rest of the hall’s length. Shiro grimaced and sat down in one of the two chairs, deciding to call Curtis while Pidge and Hunk talked.

“Hey babe.”

“Hey, he’s alright.” Shiro said with a sigh of relief.

“Oh thank goodness. I was worried there. They made it sound like-”

“Like he wasn’t gonna make it this time. This is getting worse, Curt…”

“It’s okay, I know. Don’t worry. I know the doctor’s are doing everything they can, it’s all up to him at this point.” Curtis said from the other end. Shiro heard water splash on the other end.

“Are you doing dishes?” He asked.

“Mhm.”

“I said I was gonna do them! You cooked.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s fine. I don’t have work until another hour.” Curtis chuckled, making Shiro sigh.

“I’ll do whatever is left when I get back, alright?”

“Yep. You should probably hang up now.”

“Yeah… right. Bye.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too.” Shiro said and hung up, slipping the phone into his pocket. Hunk was sitting beside him now, hands rested in his hands.

“How many times has this happened?” He whispered. Shiro’s brow rose. That’s right, he realized. He and Pidge have been the only ones to really know what’s been happening with Lance. Hunk didn’t know just how recurring this was.  
“I know this happened a while ago, but why did… why did she act like it’s normal?” Hunk was looking at him now. Shiro sighed again.

“This…” He stopped and winced. This was a regular thing. Lance was admitted into the hospital once every other month. This was twice in the same month, leading everyone to believe he’s getting worse.

“It’s been pretty regular with him, Hunk.” Pidge murmured. Hunk’s eyes widened.

“He’s… why didn’t anyone tell me he’s been like this! How long?!”

“Hunk, we assumed he’d get better and that this was just steps along the way. We didn’t want to call you every single time there’s a hiccup with him.” Pidge said. Hunk was tearing up now, his brows knitted together tightly in a pained expression.

“Oh god… Lance…” He rested his head in his hands again. It was true. Lance was getting worse. There. That’s the truth. They didn’t want to admit it, they wanted it to be fine and dandy. It was supposed to be treatable. He’s supposed to be okay. Now Shiro knew why Lance’s family was not here, why they had called him and Pidge instead. Lance was refusing to see them. Last time Shiro came, he’d noticed how annoyed Lance seemed with his family. How angry he was to see them. And at some points, how angry he was to see Shiro. Pidge set a comforting hand on Hunk’s back. 

It’s been about a month since he’s seen the former green paladin, she hasn’t changed much. Her hair was definitely getting longer, now brushing the tops of her shoulders and although she was always short, she seemed a bit taller now. Or it could just be Shiro seeing things. The three comforted each other and waited patiently for Lance to wake up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith sprinted into the building. He tried called Shiro but he wasn’t picking up. Keith winced at the pain in his knees and legs. It’s been a long time since he’s felt Earth’s gravity weigh heavy on his shoulders. He nearly ran into the door, expecting them to open automatically. He grumbled a complaint when they slowly opened a crack, and about two minutes later opened enough for him to slip through. The building was massive. This couldn’t be a hospital, it was… it felt like a hotel.  
He noticed a woman sitting at a desk in the front. That seemed inviting. He quickly stepped up to it and got her attention by clearing his throat.

“Hi… I’m uh… is Lance McClain here?” He asked uneasily. The woman looked up at him with a raised brow.

“And you are?”

“I’m… I’m a close friend I just-”

“Wait a minute! You’re that guy from the Voltron show, aren’t you? You look just like him, my son-”

“I’m sorry but I’m in a rush. I need to see him.” Keith said. The woman blinked and began typing away at the electronic screen in front of her.

“A guide will be here in a bit to take you to his room.” She said. Keith nodded and let out a long sigh. He was here. He made it. Little did Kolivan know, he took his personal cruiser to get here. He needed something with a hyperspeed to make the jump to get here in time and his ship just happened to have the new installed capabilities to do so. He was probably going to be grounded when he got back. Kolivan is acting more and more like a parent, and it’s making Keith feel uneasy. Keith felt a hand on his shoulder and he spun around, eyes wide. A large man… creature? He wasn’t sure. It had a long face and blue fur, its large clawless hands pointed at him and it began to speak in another language. Keith couldn’t tell the dialect but he replied in English.

“I’m sorry. I don’t… I don’t understand you.” Keith said, frowning. This was Earth right? He was on Earth? How long was he gone?!

“Sir, you cannot have weapons on the premises.” The creature said in clear english. Keith frowned and then remembered his blade.

“Ah… can… it’s… ughhhhhhh.” Keith turned to the woman at the desk.  
“I’ll be right back, I need to uh… yeah.” 

And with that Keith was dashing out of the hospital and into the parking lot, praying Shiro’s car was here. Well, praying Shiro had the same car Keith remembered. He saw the orange and white vehicle parked near the entrance and he quickly walked over. Definitely Shiro’s. 

The seats still had those awful neon purple covers on them that Shiro insisted that Curtis liked. He’d later learned Curtis claimed they were hideous to look at, and only told Shiro he liked them so the other man didn’t think he was being picky. Keith set his hand on the car’s locking system and it accepted his handprint, opening and allowing him to strip any weapons from his suit. There. He shut the door and ran back inside. Earth also had a lot more oxygen, Keith realized, and it made his lungs feel like they were flying. 

Once inside, the guide as the receptionist called them, was standing by the desk, her eyes drilling into Keith.

“So you’re Keith?” She said with a raised brow. Keith nodded, fidgeting with his fingers.  
“It’s about time you show up.” She scoffed and then spun on her heel, walking for the elevators. “Follow me.” She said, and Keith quickly followed her. Rude. That’s definitely what he’d describe her as. About time he got here? He traveled across like, three galaxies to get here. What was her problem? While they stood in the elevator Keith shuffled his feet awkwardly. 

“I uh… do you know how he is?” Keith asked. The woman blinked and looked over at him with a scowl.

“I think you know the answer to that if you finally decided to stop by.” She said. The elevator doors opened. Gosh what’s her problem?! Wait… has this happened more than once without him knowing? He saw Shiro and Hunk in the middle of a tight embrace when he stepped into the hall. Pidge saw Keith first, smiling and waving for him to join them. 

“Hey guys…” Keith murmured and saw Keith and quickly putting him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Boy am I glad to see you!” Hunk sniffled, ignoring Keith’s wheezes for help.

“Keith! It’s awesome you came! Lance will really get a kick outta this.” Pidge chuckled. Keith frowned, stepping out of Hunk’s hug.

“I thought… is he okay?” Keith asked, fidgeting with his fingers again. Pidge’s expression turned grim. 

“Not… not necessarily. It’s complicated Keith.” Shiro said, stepping forward. Keith went up and hugged the larger man.

“Whoa, hey. Did you miss me?” Shiro chuckled. Keith nodded and Shiro wrapped his arms around the smaller man.

“You’ve been gone a while Keith.”

“Yeah no kidding.” Keith chuckled, glaring at the hospital wall. Silence fell between them after Keith stepped out of the hug.  
“So… what’s…” Keith wanted to bust down the door and walk in. The only information he got from Shiro was that Lance was in the hospital, it’s serious and his family is scared for him. So why was everyone gathered around outside the door… talking?

“Oh, yeah.” Pidge plopped down in an open seat and crossed her legs.  
“Apparently it’s the usual visit. The doctors are just concerned since he doesn’t seem to be getting any better, but in fact, getting worse.” She said. Keith felt his gut churn at the words: ‘the usual visit’. He was quiet for a while, trying to steady his breathing.

“The usual visit?” He asked, echoing his thoughts. He noticed Shiro stiffen and interrupt Pidge.

“Lance is getting better, we just need to give him more time.”

“We have given him time Shiro.” Pidge snapped suddenly, gaining surprised looks from Keith and Hunk.  
“That’s obviously not working. He’s just going downhill without the proper treatment. I know this should be simple stuff but-“

“Excuse me.” Everyone turned to see a young woman standing in front of them, her pink Altean marks glowing slightly. The former paladins took a step back, letting her pass through and open the door to Lance’s room stepping inside. Hunk put his ear against the door, listening.

“What are you doing?” Pidge hissed.

“I wanna see if he’s awake!” Hunk whispered aggressively. Keith crossed his arms, glancing at Shiro. Why hadn’t he told him about Lance? There was a little laughing on the other side of the door and Hunk stiffened.  
“Yep, definitely awake.”

“Can we go in then?” Keith asked impatiently. Before Hunk could reply, the nurse opened the door and peeled her head out at the group.

“Shiro and Pidge, you two can come in with the usual… and if you can…” she stepped out of the room, carefully closing the door and whispering.

“Prep him for seeing Hunk and your other friend here. We don’t want him having another panic attack.” She said with a smile. Shiro nodded and gave Keith a sympathetic look before stepping in the room with Pidge. Keith did not like this one bit. A panic attack? From seeing Hunk of all people?! 

“Lance hasn’t seen me in a couple months.” Hunk said uneasily, nudging Keith with his elbow. Keith shook his head.

“Hunk what's going on with him?” Keith asked. Hunk frowned.

“Wait… Keith when-“

“The banquet to celebrate the peace to the universe. That was the last time I saw Lance.” Keith said. Hunk’s eyes widened.

“Keith! What the hell?! Why haven’t you visited?!”

“I didn’t know anything was wrong? I have a communicator to Shiro but he…” Keith paused. Shiro didn’t tell him. What’s going on? Keith plopped down in one of the chairs by the door, his eyes glazed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Keith murmured. Hunk rose his brow.

“Me? Keith… I assumed you knew-“

“No you didn’t.” Keith snapped.  
“You knew if I knew I would of been down here sooner. Please tell me what’s going on. What’s wrong with Lance? Is he sick? Is he hurting himself?”

“Keith I really think he should tell you himself. He got really mad when Pidge told me before I saw him so I think it’s better if-“

“Hunk. You-“

The door opened to reveal Shiro stepping out, a grim expression on his face. 

“Hey Hunk. Lance is really excited to see you. Why don’t you and Pidge get some time with him and uh… let me talk with Keith.” He said. Hunk nodded slowly before walking into the room. Keith was furious. As soon as the door shut, he turned to Shiro, a glare in his eyes.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Keith demanded. Shiro grimaced and sat down beside him.

“I didn’t… what you’re doing is important… to the universe to everyone. And Lance was doing okay, the doctors said we shouldn’t worry too much so I didn’t want to… y’know…”

“That’s bullshit.” Keith snarled and Shiro sucked in a sharp intake of air.

“Language Keith.”

“No! He’s… He’s my best friend Shiro! You didn’t think I’d want to know if he was hurt?! I can’t believe you.”

“If you’re going in that direction, aren’t you wondering why Lance never called you himself?” Shiro asked gently. Keith blinked. He’d given Lance a communicator too, hadn’t he. Keith took a step back.

“Why… why didn’t he ever-“

“He didn’t want to tell you Keith. That’s why I didn’t. It’s would make him upset that you come all the way here.”

“So why now?” Keith growled, clenching his fists.

“I called you because nothing’s working. And I should of seen it sooner. Lance doesn’t want you to see him like this. He’s vulnerable Keith. And I know how you are.” Shiro sighed. It was so quiet they could’ve heard a pin drop.

“You think I would make him feel worse. About… whatever is wrong with him. Just tell me why he’s in the hospital. What’s going on with him.”

“He has to tell you. Last time-“

“Just tell me Shiro! It isn’t that hard!”

“Keith.” Pidge has the door open. How long has she been there? 

“We… we can hear you.” She said uneasily. It was then Keith heard Lance’s voice. 

“Keith?” He asked from inside. Keith looked over at Shiro who just shook his head and Pidge sighed.

“Yeah Lance uh…. Keith is here.” She called back into the room. Keith walked in past Pidge. 

Lance looked awful. He knew that’s not something usually people have in mind when entering a hospital room but it sure was drilling into Keith’s head. Lance’s usual thin frame was pale, and wiry. His eyes looked heavy and bloodshot, his face just conveyed pain. The Chosen marks on his cheeks were no longer vibrant, seeming more like scars on his dull skin. He just looked… awful.

“Lance…”

“Heya Samurai.” Lance chuckled, with a forced smile.  
“Long time no see huh?” 

Keith couldn’t keep it in.  
“What’s going on? Why… why are you here?” He demanded. Lance sighed, glancing over at Hunk who still sat in the room. 

“I just haven’t been feeling too well, y’know just working a little more in the fields then I should.” He said simply. Hunk shot him a glare.

“Lance.” Hunk grumbled and Lance rolled his eyes. 

“You really think he wants to know the sappy details? I’m fine. He’ll just overreact.” He said.

“Lance.” It was Keith who spoke this time.  
“Please just talk to me. What the hell is going on? Why are you-“

“Why do I look like a skin bag? Why I’m literally falling apart?” Lance asked, sitting up straighter, pointing at his thinning hair.  
“Well I think it’s ironic that you decide to visit me when I’ve finally hit rock bottom.”

“No one told me, I didn’t-“

“I’m sad.” Lance said with a shrug.  
“That’s what’s wrong. I’m so sad that I can't get out of bed anymore. I’m so sad, it hurts to eat. I’m so sad I work to try to numb it. I’m so sad that sometimes I can’t breathe!” 

Keith’s face paled. His fears were confirmed. He was worried for a while that Lance would wind up hurting himself in some sort of way. He knew it because he could see it in Lance. He saw how often he visited Altea. He saw how he was constantly out with the juniberry flowers before he left for the Blade. He noticed Lance becoming more and more secluded as time passed. And yet he still left. Left because he assumed the old Lance was still in there. The Lance who would not back down from a fight. The Lance who saved the universe. Now as he gazed at the pale and dying figure laying in the hospital bed, that Lance had indeed given up. And it broke Keith’s heart.

“Lance…”

“Don’t tell me I need to get better. I’ve been through that discussion too many times to count, especially from Shiro.”

“Why?” Was all Keith could manage to say, his voice cracking. Lance set his jaw.

“Don’t give me some pity party. You knew this would happen, you all did.” Lance said bitterly.

“Yeah but I didn’t think…”

“You thought I was strong.” Lance interrupted. Keith bit the inside of his lip.  
“You… you thought I could handle it all, that I could handle everything. You thought you knew me Keith.” Lance stopped and took a sharp breath, wincing suddenly and grasping his side as he talked.

“You guys didn’t think it was bad. Well I’ll have you know that it is awful. I want this to end. For myself, for you guys. I loved her!” Lance voice was rising, the minister beside him beginning to beep rapidly. Keith glanced at the monitor and shook his head and reached out to Lance.

“Hey calm down. It’s okay I’m not-“

“I loved her.” Lance repeated and started to cry, his breathing becoming rapid and he grasped his chest. A nurse quickly came in and began to calm Lance down, sending Keith a glare. Another nurse came in and shooed Hunk and Keith out of the room, closing the door.

Keith stood there, in shock. Lance was so fragile. How long has it really been?

“Let’s… let’s go down to the cafe and eat.” Hunk said uneasily. Shiro grimaced and shook his head.

“I actually uh… I have to get home.” Shiro said. Hunk seemed to have deflated.

“Oh… okay. Keith? Pidge?” he asked

The two nodded and followed Hunk to the elevator, Keith still staring absently down the hall as the doors closed. This couldn’t be real. It had to be one big horrible nightmare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith picked at the sandwich on his plate. They’re keeping him alive with just the IV aren’t they? Keith didn’t have an appetite at this point. No one said anything. Suddenly someone plopped down in the open seat beside Pidge. Keith recognized her as the red-haired Altean who’d led him up the steps. Pidge lit up when she saw her.

“Hey Ukah. You’re on lunch break?” Pidge asked. The woman nodded with a smile.

“Yeah, also it was getting kinda chaotic up there.” She murmured. Keith watched her closely and noticed her face turn to something like disappointment when she looked over at Keith.

“Actually, can I talk to Keith. Just real quick?” She asked, standing. Keith frowned but obliged, following her to a hallway beside the cafeteria.

“He really misses you.” She said suddenly, making Keith frown.

“Who? Lance?” He asked. She nodded.

“I’m sorry for how I acted earlier… I just… I assumed you knew and just didn’t care.” She said. Keith let out a bitter laugh, his fists clenching.

“Yeah no shit.”

“Look.” She paused and looked down the hall as if to see if anyone was watching before she continued.  
“Lance talks about you a lot.” She said in almost a whisper. “Of course he talks about the others but he really misses you. We tell him to call you but he never did. I never knew that… never mind it’s just hard to see him be so hard on himself.”

“How is being here even helping him?” Keith asked, ignoring her previous words. She sighed, taking a look around again.

“I can’t tell you everything but I can say this: stay. Just stay here on Earth, help him. All your friends have tried and they just don’t see how he can be fixed. He’s a broken man, Keith. And I know from what he’s told me, the thing he wants most right now, is to die. I think the thing he needs most, is you.” She said. Keith shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

“Unbelievable. This doesn’t make any since… Lance has never-“

“I have to go. I just thought you should know. You deserve to know.” She went to leave but Keith quickly grabbed her arm, his eyes pleading.

“Please just… when will he get out?”

“He has four more days until he’s released to go back home. Usually Shiro stops by and takes him to the farm. It’s only a matter of time before he passes out again and this time, no one is there to wake him up.” She said. Keith felt a shiver course down his spine.

“Four days.” He murmured, letting go of her arm.  
“I’ll stay. I can’t promise anything but I want to help. He’s… he’s important to all of us. To me.”

“I know.” She said with a soft smile. Before she left, she dug through her pockets and handed him a small blue card, the name Ukah scrawled at the top.

“My number is on there and if you have any trouble or if he’s not cooperating call me. Don’t call an ambulance. The hospital will transfer him away from here and that will devastate him. This was the last straw. I’m counting on you Keith.” She said, then strode down the hall, heading for the elevators.

Keith walked back to the table and sat down. Hunk rose his brow at him.

“What was that about?” He asked. Keith shook his head.

“She uh…” he paused and pursed his lips.

“Pidge, how’s advancements going at the Garrison?” Keith asked, changing the subject. Pidge swallowed her mouthful.

“Amazing, actually. We have tons of new installments for our old fighter ships. Also Chip is almost done.” She said. Keith nodded and looked over at Hunk.

“How’s cooking?”

“Papa Gordon Ramsey would be so proud.” Hunk said, kissing his fingers and letting his hand form a circle.  
“It’s going marvelous.”

“What planet are you stationed at?”

“Right now? I’m helping the Olkari with their recipes. They don’t have many spices on their planet but certain arrangements can be made. Pidge would be there but y'know she’s still grounded.” Hunk chuckled.

“I’m eighteen! I’m not grounded! Mom just… advised against me going.” She murmured. Keith chuckled.

“How about you?” Hunk asked Keith. He leaned back in his chair.

“After we set up a center for refugees recovering from the war, I started helping the Blade of Marmora again and the Galra. Y’know helping mom out with government stuff.” Keith said. Pidge rose her brow.

“I still can’t believe you turned down being their leader. I could have sworn you would’ve gone. I mean, you get to rule over an entire people.”

“No thanks.” Keith chuckled.  
“I didn’t… I didn’t think that would fit me. I wanted to be a little free with what I wanted to do.”

“Ever thought about staying on Earth for a bit?” Hunk asked as he stretched. Keith let his fingers drum against the table. Yes. He has. He’s thought about talking to Shiro about a few things. He’s thought about coming to Earth and telling Lance. Telling Lance he loves him. That he’s loved him for years. He assumed everything would be fine once he got back. Keith frowned. How long did he expect to stay? It all went wrong.

“Not really.” Keith said, clearing his throat.  
“No offense but it’s pretty lame here.” he chuckled. Pidge rolled her eyes and flicked him off.

“Earth forever you half breed.” She muttered and Keith let out a laugh under his breath.


	2. I Felt Empty Handed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh? so i rlly wan't expecting that much feedback from the last chapter? So? Due to? Inspiration? I continued it???
> 
> Look guys,,, I would be updating this a lot more (trust me season 8 had me triggered) but I actually have midterms this week, so it's hard to juggle,,,
> 
> i love you Voltron fandom! Hang it there! We always find a way.

Keith called Krolia as soon as he stepped out of the hospital and waved goodbye to Pidge and Hunk.

“Keith?” Her voice said over the static of the com.

“Yeah, we need to talk.” He sighed. Some chatter was heard from the other end and he waited until he heard silence before he spoke.

“How was the meeting?”

“It was great. We have an alliance with the outer system and a better peace between the nebula planets.”

“That’s great.” Keith said, shuffling on his feet. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, hearing his voice go soft.

“I have to stay.” Keith blurted. Krolia didn’t reply at first, silence coming from her end. She knew something was up.

“How bad is it?”

“Lance is dying, mom. I want to help him through this and… and…” Keith felt his eyes tear up.  
“Mom I’m worried.” He admitted, wiping at his eyes in frustration.

“Keith. Hey, stay as long as you need. You have no obligation here at the moment. Stay on Earth.” She said. Keith sniffled and let out a shaky breath.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

“No… just… I’ll talk later I gotta go.” Keith said. They said their goodbyes and Keith turned off the communicator, slipping it in his suits compartment. He stood there for a few minutes before slipping out his phone and dialing Shiro.

“Hello?”

“Hey Shiro. Is it alright if I stay with you and Curtis for a couple days?” Keith asked. 

“Uh, yeah sure… are you staying on Earth?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna be here a while.” Keith said.   
“I also left my blades in your car.”

“Yeah, scared the crap out of me when I got in, I forgot that you like to keep a few things on you when doing peaceful stuff.”

“You know me well.”

“Of course. Also, I was worried you’d take my car again, I completely forgot you have your handprint on it.”

“I do have a… tendency to take motorized vehicles that are not mine.” Keith chuckled, shuffling his feet against the concrete. A long sigh came from Shiro and Keith frowned.

“Something wrong?”

“What makes you think you can help him?” He asked. Keith blinked.

“Excuse me?”

“I spent three months with Lance. I put Curtis aside and even stayed at the farm. I was worried for Lance. I still am but… it was just too much. I don’t see how you’re any different.”

“Shiro-“

“Pidge insisted she could help him. He was good for a solid few weeks. Better than my efforts. He was eating again. Then it all went to shit after his trip to visit Coran in Altea. We’ve tried Keith, but how can you fix someone who doesn’t wanna be fixed?” Shiro asked and Keith bit his lip.  
“That’s just it, you can’t. It’s better to let the doctors handle it.” Shiro said. 

He couldn’t believe what he’s heard. Shiro spent months with Lance? Nothing changed? Why was Lance doing this to himself? It couldn’t be… he couldn’t really feel like Allura… Keith set his jaw. He’d admit it, he missed her. During the first year after her death, everyone was down in the dumps. Lance, however had seemed lighter and was usually the go-to guy to talk about it. Why was it hitting him so hard now? Something seemed wrong about it all.

“It won’t hurt to try Shiro.” Keith said, straightening his shoulders. Shiro hummed from the other end.

“I want this for him just as much as you do Keith. Lance… Lance deserves to be happy.” Shiro said. Keith most definitely agreed.

“See you son then?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, bye.”

“Bye.”

Keith hung up before letting out a long low whistle. A few moments later, Kosmo appeared in front of him, obviously excited to see him and tackled him to the ground. Keith laughed and pushed the oversized space wolf off of him and ran his hands through his fur.

“Alright buddy, let’s go.” Keith said. He held onto the wolf and it disappeared in the blink of an eye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance watched Keith pace outside the front of the hospital, on the phone. Ukah walked into his room right as Kosmo appeared and he sighed when she gasped.

“Lance?! What are you doing up?” She exclaimed. Lance rolled his eyes, shifting his weight away from the window and stumbling back to the bed, flopping down and groaning.

“I fucked up.” Lance muttered. Ukah sighed and sat down at the foot of his bed as he crawled into it fully.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Yeah. Keith finally decided to pay a visit and I yell at him. I mean he didn’t deserve that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he left again.”

“What is it with you and Keith? You're always worried about him. Why not Hunk? He could be eating poisonous foods!" She exclaimed. Lance sighed, leaning his head back against the pillow.

“Yeah but... Keith is still doing scary alien stuff. Hunk is upset with me anyways.”

“Lance you have to understand that it’s normal for him to be upset. You’re dying.” Ukah said. Lance rolled his eyes.

“He should be happy for me. I can get off this miserable planet and go on an adventure to another life.” Lance sighed. Ukah bit her lip.

“Try for a little bit longer Lance. Find something to live for okay?” She said softly. Lance turned away from her with a ‘humph’ and she sighed. Ukah stood and walked out of his hospital room, heading for the doctor’s quarters. Lance didn’t have much time and he didn’t care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance woke up gasping for breath, his throat closing in on itself and his eyes snapping open. He took in a sharp intake of breath, sitting up in the hospital bed. Silence, except for his own breathing. Lance pulled his knees up to his chest, feeling his bony knee caps graze his chin. Another nightmare. It’s the same one now, playing in his mind over and over. The same name murmured over and over. A knock sounded at his door and he sighed, resting his forehead on his knees. Right on time.

“Lance? Are you awake?”

“Yeah.” Lance sighed. Ukah stepped in, a glass of water in her hand.

“You woke up a little earlier than usual, something up?” Ukah asked quietly as she sat at the foot of his bed. Lance shook his head.

Ukah reached over to the desk beside the bed and set the glass of water down before slipping open a drawer and pulling out a book. She flicked on the small lamp beside them and she flicked through the pages. This was their routine. He fell asleep around 8. Then every night, around 11pm, Lance would wake up from a nightmare. He would stay awake for the rest of the night, talking quietly with Ukah or listening patiently as she read to him.

“Where were we yesterday? Was the tree filled with cement yet?” She asked, her red hair falling gently over her shoulder. Lance nodded again, not moving from his curled up position. Ukah tilted her head to the side.

“Lance? Do… do you want to talk?” She asked. It would be a miracle if he said yes. He refused to talk about nightmares. He didn’t talk to any of the psychologists or doctors that visited him. The hospital took initiative to bring in a psychologist like Ukah. A nurse in disguise. She knew more than anyone else in the hospital knew. She also knew her deadline was next month. They had to make some progress or he wouldn’t be her patient anymore. Which, they had made progress. Lance was drinking water. She usually managed to get him to drink an entire glass after a chapter she read. It was wholesome to see a little color rise into his cheeks.

Lance nodded slightly and Ukah rose her brow.  
“Are you sure?”  
He nodded again. Ukah couldn’t suppress the smile on her tired face as she set the book down. Lance sighed and lifted his head, just as she hid her smile and began to speak.

“It’s about Allura… well… it’s usually like… I’m at the farm with her? And it’s just awful because I know she’s not there. But she is… like I can see her and touch her and cry on her shoulder. But every time… there’s…” Lance paused and tears welled in his eyes.  
“When I go to hug her, these hands pull me away. They grab at my throat and at my skin… they burn and they feel like they’re burning into me. I try to get away. I always do but she’s just watching me. Watching it happen. I wake up when she finally reaches out to help me.” Lance said. Ukah listened carefully, nodding every time he looked over at her. 

“It feels real?”

“Yeah.” Lance whispered.   
“It feels… it hurts.”

“Is it the same dream?”

“Most times.”

“What about the other times?” She asked. Lance grinned slightly.

“Those are usually good. Usually about… about my times of being paladin. Back when we were a part of something… when I was a part of something… when I knew exactly who I was and… y’know…” Lance felt a tear slip out of his eye and down his cheek as he gazed at the sheets in his lap.  
“When I knew how much I could offer to my friends and… and to my family.” He said. Ukah felt her heart sink.

“You mean a lot to them.” Ukah said. Lance shrugged slightly, wiping his cheek.

“Yeah, it’s not the same though.” He muttered, setting his hands in his lap.  
“It’s all pity. They see what I’ve been reduced to. I’m just wasting way.”

“You don’t have to Lance. You can show them. Remember when you told me how much you wanted to call Hunk and ask him to make garlic knots? Or how many times you whined about not being able to talk to Keith?”

“Not now Ukah.” Lance muttered, his hands laying flat at his sides. Ukah stopped her trail of words. She knew to read Lance by his actions. She’s learned it over the past year. It’s mostly his hands. Lance will describe how he’s feeling without realizing it, simply through his hands. 

“There’s… there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you Lance.” Ukah sighed, changing the subject. Lance rose his brow, his dull watery eyes gazing into her own brighter ones.  
“After you get released home…”

“I’m not coming back.” Lance said. Ukah frowned.

“What?”

“I hear the doctors earlier, before all that shit happened with everyone. I heard about me being transferred.” He said. Ukah gave him an uneasy look.  
“It’s been a long time since I could talk to someone. You’ve been a good friend Ukah. I’ll try to get better and stuff. So don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Lance said. He was serious, his hands weren’t fidgeting, his eyes were on her and only her.

“Is that so?” She chuckled. Lance nodded with sincerity.

“Alright. Of that’s the case… then two glasses a day.” She said. Lance’s jaw dropped.

“What?!”

“Drink two glasses of water a day for three days… then I’ll tell the doctors to release you.”

“Oh that’s bullshit.” Lance hissed and Ukah smiled.

“Nope. You said you’re gonna get better, prove it.”

“Water only okay? Gosh, the things I do for my friends.” Lance chuckled. Ukah laughed and grabbed the glass on the nightstand, holding it out to Lance.

“Drink up.” She said. Lance sighed and snatched the glass, taking a few sips. She could see his body starving for it. Starving to be healthy, to be fixed. Lance’s mind was just too focused on one thing. And in his mind, he could not live without that one thing. 

“Lance?” Ukah said. Lance finished the glass, handing it back to her with a nod.  
“You should come to Altea again.” She said. It was a stretch. The last time he was there, he went into a complete downward spiral. She knew however, Lance just needed people who loved him. He needed to feel worth again. Lance shrugged.

“I might. Might not. I kinda wanna see what Hunk’s been up to though.” Lance chuckled. Ukah rose her brow.

“How about Keith?” She asked. Lance’s demeanor changed, his eyes downcast.

“It was pretty shitty of me to yell at him today.”

“Lance, you should’ve seen him. He was freaking out in the hall.”

“Yeah I heard him. He’s still the same old same old.” Lance chuckled softly.  
“I know he’s doing a lot better without us nagging him. Did I ever tell you what he said to me before our launch to the war?” Lance asked, suddenly giddy.

“Yeah, before your date with Allura? He talked how important you are and how you deserve her. Dude, how could I forget. That was like the first thing you told me about him. You specifically said: ‘My brogane if starting to act a little gaygane’ and I never was able to forget.” She chuckled. Lance rolled his eyes.

“Not that,” He said. “I was… kinda asking his advice. I asked him if he’d ever been in love.” Lance fidgeted with his fingers as he spoke, avoiding her eyes.  
“When he said yeah, I asked him how it ended… He didn’t say anything for a while. And then he said it hasn’t.” Lance said.  
“Me and him do have a lot more in common than I thought. I feel like… Like Allura is my forever.” Lance said. Ukah blinked. 

“Wait, Keith said that?”

“He sure did! That jerk even got cocky and just got up and left. I had more questions to ask!” Lance huffed, crossing his arms. Ukah just shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. ‘That pinning idiot confessed so smoothly I don’t have words to express.’ she thought, letting out a deep sigh.

“You know what? Imma just say it.”

“Hm?”

“Keith is picking you up from the hospital on Thursday.” She said. Lance blinked once. Then twice. And his face contorted into that of pure betrayal and before he could scream she flew a hand over his mouth.

“My patients are sleeping Lance!”

“There’s no way I’m letting that jerk drive me around in two days.” Lance hissed.

“Lance, he’s gonna be on Earth for a bit, so I thought it would be healthy if you two talked. Like actually talked. There was a lot of tension yesterday… you were cranky, he was confused… it was just bad timing.”

“Ukah I swear… he is the last person on Earth I wanna see. Christ’s sake he’s… he’s my… it’s not fair to him! I’m not being fair to him.” Lance said in frustration.  
“It’s not fair that I get to rub it in his face!”

 

“Then why don’t you keep your word and get better soon?” Ukah asked, putting on her most innocent look. Lance ground his teeth together.

“You are literally Satan.” Lance growled and Ukah giggled, standing up to leave.

“How about I go get you a second glass of water?” She asked and Lance rolled his eyes, flopping onto the bed so his back faced her.


End file.
